Because it feels right..........

• it felt good today to sort out the numbers at work, I did'nt kn0w how to do it and had to experiment That's a challenge.




• it feels good to make a model, then draw from it, then make another model from the drawing. That progression.




• it doesn't feel right to apply for any old work, bored just thinking about it. Thats depressing.




• it feels right to cut back on expenses, burn wood, turn off the heating, grow veg,drive an old car, anything rather than spending too much time doing things that close you down. That's prudent.


• it feels right to have holes in your sofa, but still have time to think. Thats making a choice.


• it feels wrong not to be part of a team,to share things , to chat. That's lonely.


• it feels right to work when you are ready, walk the dogs, clean the house when you are not. That's freedom.


• it feels wrong not to have enough money to cover the basics, that's poverty.


• it feels wrong to panic and run back to safety, that's bottle.


• it feels wrong to have so many ideas that no-one seems interested in, it feels even more wrong to give up, that's tenacity.


• it feels right not to tie yourself to the 9-5 and to one specific place, that's adaptable.


• it feels right to make plans and try to execute them, that's targeting.


• it feels right not to get obsessive about the house, that's self preservation.


• soon be Valentines Day, it feels right to totally ignore the fact. That's lazy.

Craggy faces are good, but when it's your own?

I love to see photos of well used craggy faces, I remember a fantastic one of Michael Parkinson

, WH Auden is another classic, craggy is undoubtably better to draw and paint than smooth perfect, you want to get to know craggy people , they will tell a good story. But when that face is your own what then?

A little confession, I spend my lunchtimes watching rubbish on the telly, every day, Neighbours and Home and Away; in order to make this habit a bit more constructive, I draw whilst watching, I do my once a day observation practice. The last couple of day I have got out the mirror and drawn me, my face. Now you have to bare in mind that when you draw, you concentrate, and it takes quite a while so its impossible to grin at yourself for this length of time, so invariably self portraits are a bit solom and intense, I am not the miserable git that I appear.

I know this is a reasonable likeness because I have double checked all the lines, their relationships and relative weight, it was drawn over two lunchtimes so this would account for the slight 2 faces stuck together kind of look, all I want to say is that this is not what I see when I think about me in my head, that internal she is 25 years old , quite goodlooking and sort of smilingly, intelegently, interesting.

I'm not even saying that getting old is rubbish, cos its not, old me is far more confident and self assured that young me, she's also more tollerant, open minded determined and quitely ambitious.

There is just a difference that's all, so when Helen Mirren says she is scared to look in the mirror, maybe this is what she means. I intend just to enjoy the difference, and consider the little jolt that these eye/mind contrasts give me as just a little acceptance challenge, a challenge to enrich the soul.